Why a psychotherapist and not a friend?

Despite all of this, psychotherapy is by no means a guarantee that we will live forever problem-free. Nothing can prevent the nature of life from changing things, from us being disappointed, from facing illness, from losing a significant person or relationship – the list is endless and includes various gains and beautiful things as well. We can't predict or control them all. We can only go through them with more awareness, responsibility, trust, and self-support.The question of why talk to a psychotherapist when we have friends is quite common. To the point where seeking therapy might suggest a lack of close relationships or profound loneliness. However, there are significant differences between these two types of relationships and conversations.

First, let's consider that with friends, we share a mutual bond. Friends will empathize with us and generally stand by our side when we discuss how we're mistreated at work, lacking support within our family, or facing limited career options. Friends usually offer advice on how to resolve the situation. In their desire to encourage or empower us, they'll present arguments to highlight the positives in our situation. If we're stuck, they'll want to pull us out, to get us out of the situation. It's easy to imagine them telling us not to feel down or worried, advising us to suffer less, and similar sentiments. 

In the nature of friendship, reciprocity is key, and friends desire to share their news and feelings with us. They need and expect our support, our presence, and our engagement.

On the other hand, the relationship with a psychotherapist is entirely dedicated to the client. Even though the therapist is authentic in their interaction with the client, they have the knowledge to keep their experience in service of the client. This means they take care not to project themselves onto the client, clearly distinguish their own needs from the client's, and share their insights that they believe will benefit the client. A psychotherapist doesn't have expectations from the client and doesn't regulate their needs and feelings through that relationship

Additionally, a psychotherapist provides a different kind of support. This support is more directed at helping the client genuinely feel their own experiences, exploring what might be underlying their anger, and enabling the client to gain deeper insights. This is possible because the therapist has a greater capacity to tolerate ambiguity and uncertainty and can maintain a safe space for the client's exploration. It's also a form of "cheering for the client," focused on the client's goals and aimed at acquiring insights. 

Finally, therapists have typically developed extensive experience in self-reflection, introspection, and monitoring their own internal processes. Despite clients often fearing judgment from therapists, they are much less unfamiliar with the human aspects, as therapists are more adept at handling fear, shame, anger, jealousy, and helplessness. Therapists see more clearly where these emotions originate and how they serve the client.

Friendship and the therapeutic relationship are distinct, and it's crucial to keep them separate.